Of Pervs, Naivety And Stressful Situations
by TorchwoodFallenAngel
Summary: Matt leaves a certain type of manga lying around, Near reads it and things go on from there. Includes a pervy Matt, innocent Near, hypocritical Mello, shocked Roger and lecherous L.


Blimey, I'm churning out fanfic's by the dozen tonight- two already and another two to go!

On another note, he-he-he, this is my first ever DeathNote fanfiction. It was originally going to be roleplay for me and my friend but we don't have time right now so I'm publishing it up here instead. It all arose from us role-playing in class, her -as Matt- calling me -as Near- a "Tempting little Whore" and it went from there. Our friend was looking weirdly at us for ages afterwards, I can't imagine why... Anyway, I hope you enjoy.

Warning: An awful lot of suggestive talk and perving from Matt, innocence and absurd naivety from near and Roger's stress levels going through the roof.

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><p><em>Near is sitting on the floor, playing with some toys, maybe humming or singing softly. Matt comes in, sits down on a chair, pulls out a manga and starts reading. As he reads he shifts and pulls at his trousers. After a bit Near glances at Matt but looks away when Matt looks at him. This continues until:<em>

Matt: What?

Near: Nothing.

_Near looks away, one finger curling his hair, and Matt frowns. Suddenly there is a shout from offstage._

Mello: Matt! Matt! Matty! Oh Matty-boy!

Matt: What the hell do you want Mello?

Mello: Come and look at this Matt, you're going to love it!

Matt: But I'm-

Mello: Please. Pleasepleaseplease_please_…

Matt: Oh for God's sake…

_He gets up and goes off stage and leaves the manga on the chair. When he is gone Near carries on playing with the toys but eventually looks up and around, checking that there's no-one around. He leans over, picks up the manga and starts reading it. After a couple of pages he freezes and his eyes go wide. He flicks to another page and he squeaks, his eyes going even wider. He flicks through the manga, eyes getting wide. He starts hyperventilating and throws the book back onto the chair, sits down and plays with his toys, his hands shaking._

_After a bit Matt comes back. He stops at the chair and frowns when he sees his book. He looks at Near but picks up the book and carries on reading. Near keeps on glancing at Matt, eyes wide, and eventually Matt loses his patience._

Matt: What? What do you want? What is wrong wi- Oh shit. You read it didn't you?

Near: *_squeaking_* No.

Matt: *_Puts the manga down and stares at the boy_* Near. Don't lie to me. You read it didn't you?

Near: No. Maybe. Yes.

Matt: Oh great. Perfect. Just perfect…Actually…*_starts smiling evilly_*… Near…

Near: *_blushing frantically_* Yes?

Matt: You read it. Did you like anything you saw?

Near: What? No! It's disgusting and wrong and-

Matt: And what? Why is it so wrong?

Near: Well the Bible and Roger and Mello all say it's wrong and…and…Well if Roger says it's wrong then it must be wrong and-

Matt: It. You keep saying _it_. Do you even know what _it_ is?

Near: No. But…It…It looks wrong and…and…What were they doing?

Matt: What were they- Oh this is wonderful, just wonderful. Near, I have one question for you. Did it make you feel good?

Near: What? No! NO! No…Yes.

Matt: I thought as much. Near I can't really explain that well but surely Roger must have-

Near: Why does it make me feel good?

Matt: Why? Why does it…Listen Near…Hasn't Roger talked to you about this?

Near: About what?

Matt: You know…The birds and the bees, when a man and a woman love each other very much, what happens when you feel nice…down there, that sort of thing?

Near: No.

Matt: Oh God. *_he is silent for a bit_* Roger you _idiot_…Well, here goes nothing. You see Near, when a man and a woman-

Near: Or two men. *_points to the manga_*

Matt: Damn, you're a fast learner…Yeah, or two men. Or two women for a fact. Or three men or three women or two men and a woman or two women and a man or maybe even more…but we're getting off track. When two men, in this case, love each other very, very much they decide to…do things together.

Near: Do things?

Matt: Dear Lord. Yes Near, do things.

Near: You mean like what they were doing in on page 51?

Matt: Page 51? You got as far as…Doesn't matter. Well yeah, they do those sorts of things after a while but most of the time they start off slow.

Near: Slow?

Matt: Yeah, slow. Like holding hands or kissing. You ever kissed anyone Near?

Near: Yeah. I've kissed Roger.

Matt: You _what_?

Near: Yeah, when I was younger. Kissed him good-night.

Matt: Oh yeah, _yeah_. Phew. _Thank god_. Anyway. Kiss me.

Near: What?

Matt: You heard me. Kiss me. Give me a kiss. If I'm going to teach you I've got to learn what you know. So kiss me.

_Near obliges, kissing Matt on the cheek, lightly and chastely._

Matt: Oh _Near_. You call that a kiss? That is not a kiss. This is a kiss.

_He grabs Near by the arm, pulls him towards him and snogs him._

Matt: You see? That, Near my tempting little whore, is a proper kiss.

Near: Oh…Okay…Umm…Matt…

Matt: Yeah kid?

Near: Teach me more?

Matt: Why you…I'd be happy to.

_They start kissing again, eventually rolling onto the sofa, Near pinned underneath Matt. Suddenly Mello comes in._

Mello: WHAT THE HELL?

Matt: Oh shit.

Mello: What in the name of all that is holy and magnificent are you doing?

Matt: Er…What does it look like?

Mello: What does it look like? It looks like rape! That's what it looks like!

Matt: Whoa whoa whoa! He consented! He did! I swear!

Mello: Oh really? Matt he's underage and vulnerable and naïve and you've taken

advantage of him and that's statuary rape and…and…

Matt: And since when have you cared about Near?

Mello: Well…I don't…I just…It's just…It's wrong! And it goes against everything! Everything! It goes against the Bible and Roger and everything and…everything…and…everything…

Matt: Oh for god's sake! I've not done anything wrong!

Mello: Yes you have! Yes you have! You…you…you kissed Near! You kissed him! He's vulnerable and naïve and vulnerable and naïve and…

Matt: Well you never complained…Are you jealous?

Mello: That has nothing to do with it! You…You…I…I…ROGER!  
>Matt: WHAT? MELLO! NO! DON'T CALL ROGER! NO!<p>

Near: Matt? What's wrong?

Matt: What's wrong? What's wrong? Near…Oh I can't. Near just…Just rebutton your shirt and try to look a little less…temptingly debauched.

Near: Debauched?

Matt: Yes debauched. And tempting. And completely and utterly fuuu-

Roger: What on earth is going on here?

Matt: Oh joy. Thank you Mello, thank you so much. Just as things were getting good.

Mello: Matt and Near…They were…going to…you know…do it.

Near: Do what?

Matt: Shut up Near.

Roger: Do what? You mean he didn't even know what he was doing?

Matt: Oh god…

Mello: I said so, I said he took advantage of Near, I told him but he denied it, he-

Matt: Oh please just _shut up_ Mello.

Near: Do _what_? _Matt_?

Roger: Right that is it. Near, go to your room and…and…and stop looking so…Oh for god's sake just go brush your hair and do up your trousers.

Near: But Roger-

Roger: NOW!

Near: Aw. Not fair. I wanna stay and-

Roger: NOW YOUNG MAN!

_Near shuffles out miserably, shooting one last look at Matt who winks at him._

Roger: MATT!

Matt: Sorry sir.

Roger: Go to my office and wait. We are going to have a very serious talk about this, you understand?

Matt: Yes sir.

_Matt leaves, glaring at Mello all the while._

Roger: Oh my god. I never thought…Thank you so much for calling me the minute you found out. I cannot have that sort of thing happening here. Thank you. I knew you would never sink to such depraved standards. I just knew it. Right. I need to go and call someone who may be able to help me with this.

_Roger leaves leaving Mello alone in the room. Mello looks around quickly then takes the manga on the sofa, pushes it under his coat and runs out of the room._

*SCENE CHANGE SWAP THINGUMMY*

_Roger comes in, talking into a phone. On the other side of the stage/room/thing L comes in, also on the phone._

Roger: I just…I never thought, L, I never thought… I raised them well L, raised them to be _just like you_. How could this have happened? How did I not notice? L help me, please. You're the most knowledgeable person I know; please aid me in this troubling time.

L: I understand Roger, I understand completely. I know you did your best, I know. Matt is a very…_persuasive_ young man. Someone of Near's vulnerability and naivety was most likely easy prey for him. But Roger, as traumatising as this may be, it is perfectly normal and you have to remember that. Now, and as interesting as this is, I have a question.

Roger: *_almost shrieking_* Normal? You think it's normal? I…I… *_weakly_* Question?

L: Yes Roger, a question. I was wondering whether…Well you see…This case I am working on right now is very taxing and I was thinking that only someone of…BB's intelligence and…fervour could help me.

R: BB?

L: Yes, BB. I'll ask for Watari to come over and pick him up. It won't interfere with BB school work, I'll make sure he's…educated properly at the hotel, don't you worry. Oh and if you could be so kind, could you ask BB to wear those trousers that make his ass look- Well, he knows the ones I mean. Thank you very much Roger, I hope to talk to you soon. Bye.

_Roger stares at the phone, dumbfounded, whilst on the other side L pulls out a pair of handcuffs and grins._

R: L? L? Um…Thanks for the help. I'll do just that.

_He puts the phone down and walks off stage._

R: BB? BB? L wants to see you. Yes I said he wants to see you. Why are you so excited young man? I just said…Oh for goodness sakes. Kids these days.

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><p>Well, thank you for getting so far. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it and if you did please leave a review telling me why. Thank you!<p> 


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